i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
