I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
