Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
