I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
