Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
