She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
