if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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