I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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