I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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