I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
