He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
