I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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