can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
