White coat. Heels.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
