Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
