I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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