at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
