think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
