my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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