FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
