She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
