we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My ass is underappreciated
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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