well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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