Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
