if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize