i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
