apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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