i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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