I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
