it wasn't lemon gatorade
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize