Do you still have your period?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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