Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
