Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
