Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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