yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
