we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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