He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
