Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
