bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
