Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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