I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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