Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
