Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize