I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
