If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
