I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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