you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
