I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
