she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize