who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
