Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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