are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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