im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
