just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
