i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
