theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize