i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
