I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
