the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
