his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
