I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize