its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
