Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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