Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't deserve a penis
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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