Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
