ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
