; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When are your genitals available?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
