After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
