I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
