Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
