I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
two words: eviction party
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
