Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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